eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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