everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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