Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize