jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
