2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
