when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize