Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
