Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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