but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
