Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
