I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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