at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
