I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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