Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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