Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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