There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize