I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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