I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize