you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
