i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
