I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize