Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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