So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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