she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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