Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
