Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
