Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
