I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize