Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
