When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
