bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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