I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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