i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
