the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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