Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
