That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
