the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
