I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
