me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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