Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
