The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
