Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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