If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
