also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
