Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
