Swine flu. Run for my life!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
