we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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