That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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