Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
