so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i now understand why vodka
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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