I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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