I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
