I wish I could teleport
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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