to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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