Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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