I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
