wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize