i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
