Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
