I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
