So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize
