you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
