And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
