1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
