SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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