She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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