I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I need help removing her.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
