break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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