why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
