i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
