Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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