At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I looked at my own cervix.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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