You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so let's talk penis.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
